Parenting Your Emerging Adult by Varda Konstam

Author:Varda Konstam [Konstam, Varda]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
ISBN: 9780882824338
Publisher: New Horizon Press

Finding the Right Approach

For those who are feeling flustered as parents of emerging adult children, here is a reassuring finding: Most relationships between emerging adults and their parents improve over time. Tensions ease, communication improves and awkwardness lessens.1 Hold on to this important finding, particularly in moments of despair. Have faith that your relationship with your emerging adult can and will get better. Research shows that, for the most part, emerging adults do grow to become independent, productive adults. They do launch!

In the last five chapters we looked at the new realities that emerging adults are facing in their work and personal lives. As we discussed, compared to the twenties of their parents, everything is more uncertain for them, less predictable. Due to the phenomenal speed of social and technological change and the economic downturn, there is less clear sense about where the world is heading. Norms and guidelines have nearly vanished.

That can be a good or a bad thing, depending upon how you look at it. Parents find themselves proceeding without models and that may feel a bit frightening. However, parents have an unprecedented opportunity for creativity, innovation and crafting their own unique family structures—structures that actually work.

In the past, social pressure was on parents and children alike to follow predictable patterns: finish high school/college, get a job or get married, move out. Today, no longer bound by social expectations, parents can do things their own way without fear of being judged or condemned. That can be a very freeing idea.

Parents can choose to form stronger and more satisfying bonds with their emerging adults than ever before. They can create unique households and relationships tailor-made for those involved.

Let’s proceed with that optimistic goal in mind.

As we get into the topic of how to be parents in the pre-launch era, here are questions to think about and hopefully boost your confidence level:

•What other times in your past have you felt new to parenting or unsure about what to do in caring for your child? Perhaps when she or he was a baby and you were a new parent? Or perhaps when your child encountered life obstacles unfamiliar to you?

•How were you able to overcome your fears of “not knowing” and remind yourself of all you did know?

•What steps did you take to protect, empower or advocate for your child, even when you were unsure of the best ways to do this?

•Where did you get the information or support to take such steps?

•What does it say about you as a parent that you were motivated and able to tackle such difficult parenting challenges?

•As a parent, have you ever realized that it is better to trust your instincts than any of the advice available from books, friends and experts?

•Who might have noticed your past parenting successes and would not have been surprised by them? What would that person say to you now as you face your current parenting challenges?

When you think back on your history as a parent, you will probably realize that, to some extent, you have always had to make your rules and judgments.

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